“Quark Spaetzle and potato rosti still manage to assert their mittel European presence on the otherwise parochial American menu of Luke Cunningham. For shame! His comedy is keenly geared for our average subscriber: moderately liberal, so rich they shit nickels, and still can only wish they had a few black friends.”

                                 —New York Magazine

“Huge motor guy who makes up in hustle what he lacks in talent. Never quits on a play and has tremendous court vision and intelligence. While not the most gifted athlete, he is fundamentally sound. Always looks to pass despite a great outside shot. Definitely not just another generic white guy.”

                                 —NBA Draft Preview

“Who?”

                                 —Comedy Central

“Cunningham has achieved Level 6 Stand-Up Master after rolling an 18 and winning the Observational Humor Shroud of the Wood Nymphs. Hit points stand at 162, Charisma is 169 and his Constitution is a suspect 115. He can easily be defeated by a well-armored dwarf with a Constitution of at least 200. Or by Puerto Rican hecklers.”

                                 —Dungeons & Dragons Monthly

“Cunningham is funny, though not nearly funny enough to merit working comedian status. My gabardine pants cost $1600. I don’t even hang them up.”

                                 —Vanity Fair

“We hope you choke.”

                                 —Luke Cunningham Ex-Girlfriend Quarterly

“Private equity shoppes have shown disdain for Cunningham’s 4 th Quarter returns. Turn to page 116 for an unintelligible graph…..Harrumph!”

                                 —The Economist

“Congratulations on being the 337,000 th most successful Brown Alumni in the field of entertainment. Do you know Dave Walton or John Krasinski? How about Jordan Carlos or Matt Goldich? Could you give them our number?”

                                 —Brown Alumni Magazine