lukecunningham.com I the band

The Inescapable Gravitas

Band members pictured from Left to Right: Darth Assisi, Yves Ulysses Sotite, Lilly Stargazer, Wally Jazzerstein, Marty.

Darth Assisi - Backup Vocals, Lead Kitten

One of the founding members of ‘The Arcade Fire’, Assisi left the group because if its refusal to use his dolphin chorus on its Us Kids Know LP.
The sultry singer is known for his voracious sexual appetites and his near telepathic connection with mammals. Groupies have been known to resort to any means, including condom sabotage, to capture Darth’s preternatural progeny. Always a step ahead, Assisi gave himself a vasectomy in 2003 using only his extreme mental prowess and Sufi mysticism.
Briefly dated lead singer, Lilly Stargazer.

Yves Ulysses Sotite - Guitar, Hand Clapper Par Excellence

Sotite’s musical career began when he joined the vaunted Brown University acapella group, The Jabberwocks.
After suggesting unacceptable changes to the acapella culture- among them: wearing eyeliner, playing instruments, not being massive douchebags- Sotite was relegated to the Jabberwocks JV unit, The Jobberwocks.
Intensely spiritual, he identifies as a “non-practicing warlock.”
Goth culture folk hero to legions of high school sophomores around the world.
Armpit stains in the picture above are that dark because the man actually sweats black.
Briefly dated lead singer.

Lily Stargazer

The anti-Yoko, it is every other band member’s love (and sexual history) with her that keeps the band together and productive.
Takes morning baths in fresh breast milk to keep her porcelain skin.
Stargazer insists that this breast milk is free trade and organic.
Owns the remains of Joni Mitchell. The display case is already constructed in Stargazer’s sunroom, Stargazer is only waiting on Mitchell to pass away. “I’ll be so honored to have my own artistic role model stuffed and displayed year round in a room in my mansion that sees very significant foot traffic.”
Briefly dates herself sometimes late at night if she can’t get to sleep.

Marty - Fireplace Tool Percussion

Half man/ half party, hence his mother named him “Marty.” No known last name. Marty’s paternity remains a matter of debate.
Pictured above is one of the few known photos in which Marty is wearing a shirt.
Totally comfortable with his status as a sex symbol across race and gender, Marty rarely fails to mention that the all time best selling issue of the all-male pornographic magazine, Honcho, is the one on which he graces the cover.
The world’s greatest drummer is rumored to have been conceived backstage at a Hall and Oates’ concert. In the midst of one of that legendary duo’s infamous and be-mulleted pissing matches, the love of Marty’s mother was the only thing that could calm them down and the quality of her female delights were one of the few things on which both could agree. The fruits of this near-mythical night of passion are said to be the hit song “Maneater” and the world’s greatest percussionist.
Briefly dated lead singer, Stargazer. Their one month love affair is said to have resulted in The Gravitas’ shortest album Manthems, which of course included the hit single, “Must we always jackhammer?”